Evil Parallel Universe EvilTwistedMill games

[Innovan]

In the Evil Parallel Universe(see Star Trek mythos), the EvilTwistedMill team is designing their next title.

I think it's "Aztec Cannibals of the Amazon". Enslave other tribes, build pyramids for human sacrifice, develop a priest/butcher caste to cut out their hearts as sacrifice to the Sun, then hold feasts where you roast the rest.

"Mmm... who's for dinner?" is the game's promotional tag line.

Valley Girl Princesses now have a new use besides shopping for luxuries like dog meat and roasted human hands. They can also be drowned in pools to appease the rain gods. Remember to weight them down with enough gold jewelery or things will come floating back up again. Putrefying your only remaining water source with a decaying corpse may also kill off your village if it doesn't work, but the Aztecs never were very good at long term thinking.

This, like all EvilTwistedMill games, includes a giant hand that allows you to slap around villagers behaving badly, or as needed, chucking protestors, whiners and complainers into any of several multiple volcanoes provided on every map.

The game will have 200+ resources, and there will ONLY be a random map generator scattering them hither and yon with no reason or purpose. This feature was purely to please Europeans, who want more of a challenging game. But for Americans who find the game too difficult the same patch that works with all EvilTwistedMill games is already available. It replaces the entire menu system with a single button called "A winnah is you!" Pressing this will start the 3 hour fanfair by EvilKeith "What a Great Person You Are for Having Bought The Game and Pressed the Button That Lets You Win. It's Much Harder Than Turning a Doorknob, Afterall!" This musical extravaganza patch, as always, takes 3 months to download, and is only available by dialup, NOT over the internet, but hiring a certain birthday entertainer may get you a copy faster. (Ahem)

Other possible titles include "Eskimos: Palaces of Ice, Age of Global Warming" (the expansion pack to the best selling "Eskimos: The Battle for Blubber", where clubbing seals and slaughtering whales were the foundations of your civilization) and "Caesar in Space", where multiple Roman Emperors competively run their own NASA space program from the Colosseum in a race to see who can expire and die in the pure vacuum of space first.

[MAX-1]

LMAO

You make all that up? You're quite the creative one aren't you? :)
Good job.

[Janmeryet]

Hmmm, some interesting ideas. I think I could really get into the one about..oh! Ahem! Shocking! Twisted minds like yours ought to be, um,er, paid more?? :D

[Toth]

HAHA! Thats awsome, I kinda like the Aztek game :D

[dreamsoftwilight]

*giggles*

Thatrs deranged. I love it! :D

After posting this, I thought of an Evil TM game too, but I cant post it because it might turn the thread into flame war (politics/religion). hehe.

[imhotep3147]

mmmm....human hands.....yummy. J/K As nasty as all that sounds I would buy it in LESS than a heartbeat!!!!!! :D

[Raccoon_TOF]

Would definitely have to play the European version though...not all of us Americans want the 1-click win button, lol!

[wodinoneeye]

In the Evil Parallel Universe(see Star Trek mythos), the EvilTwistedMill team is designing their next title.

I think it's "Aztec Cannibals of the Amazon". Enslave other tribes, build pyramids for human sacrifice, develop a priest/butcher caste to cut out their hearts as sacrifice to the Sun, then hold feasts where you roast the rest.

"Mmm... who's for dinner?" is the game's promotional tag line.

Valley Girl Princesses now have a new use besides shopping for luxuries like dog meat and roasted human hands. They can also be drowned in pools to appease the rain gods. Remember to weight them down with enough gold jewelery or things will come floating back up again. Putrefying your only remaining water source with a decaying corpse may also kill off your village if it doesn't work, but the Aztecs never were very good at long term thinking.

This, like all EvilTwistedMill games, includes a giant hand that allows you to slap around villagers behaving badly, or as needed, chucking protestors, whiners and complainers into any of several multiple volcanoes provided on every map.

The game will have 200+ resources, and there will ONLY be a random map generator scattering them hither and yon with no reason or purpose. This feature was purely to please Europeans, who want more of a challenging game. But for Americans who find the game too difficult the same patch that works with all EvilTwistedMill games is already available. It replaces the entire menu system with a single button called "A winnah is you!" Pressing this will start the 3 hour fanfair by EvilKeith "What a Great Person You Are for Having Bought The Game and Pressed the Button That Lets You Win. It's Much Harder Than Turning a Doorknob, Afterall!" This musical extravaganza patch, as always, takes 3 months to download, and is only available by dialup, NOT over the internet, but hiring a certain birthday entertainer may get you a copy faster. (Ahem)

Other possible titles include "Eskimos: Palaces of Ice, Age of Global Warming" (the expansion pack to the best selling "Eskimos: The Battle for Blubber", where clubbing seals and slaughtering whales were the foundations of your civilization) and "Caesar in Space", where multiple Roman Emperors competively run their own NASA space program from the Colosseum in a race to see who can expire and die in the pure vacuum of space first.

Aztecs Flower War -- what Aztecs actually did -- stage wars with other city states to get war captives for sacrifice and alleged cannibalism (they got them from regular wars of conquest too).

Amazon had no large scale civilizations.

Caribs of the Orinoco maybe (except they didnt rise past tribal level of civilization - kinda booring when buildings available are not much more than huts).

Mayans (also fairly bloodthirsty) have already been suggested previously.



You didnt think of Hannibal Lechter builds a City game....

Or maybe "Borg -- the EU Beginning" ......

Sim Concentration Camp has alreday been done.

[NeilV]

very funny
http://homepage.eircom.net/~neilvdsl/images/whip.gif

[ramuhotep]

Incredible!

Will there be multi-play over the internet? Oh wait, this is EvilTwistedMill - there will be a multi-player feature in the next patch (which will be "fixed" in the subsequent 3 patches), but not over the internet. You have to invite 14 people over to your house to play.

Will there be a feature available that lets you watch the walkers roam around naked?

When will it be available in Turkmenistan?

And when is the Inuit version of "Eskimos: The Battle for Blubber" coming out?

Attached is a 40-page List of Things You Did Wrong (Because I Say So) That Must Be Fixed Immediately Or I Won't Buy the Game.

-- Ray

[And lest we forget ... Will there be a version for the Mac?]

[milton]

Very and Cunningly dastarly Evil Upside-Down Mill games Present: Draliban : A Terrorist's life!

errrr i made a really good story on this but i'm afriad to post it...some of you might get insulted and flame me.

[MarkDuffy]

Browzing through the threads being read at the moment, I stumbled across this one! :eek: I just HAD to bump it! :D

And here I claimed that Meso-America was mah idea! :rolleyes:

lololololol ... ol ...

[Rnett]

I actually remember some of these names.......:eek:

[Aussie Fran]

There's one for my future classroom. Wouldn't the kid learn from that....lol

Could we also include that the hands come from naughty kids who didn't do their homework???:D

[wodinoneeye]

In the Evil Parallel Universe(see Star Trek mythos), the EvilTwistedMill team is designing their next title.

I think it's "Aztec Cannibals of the Amazon". Enslave other tribes, build pyramids for human sacrifice, develop a priest/butcher caste to cut out their hearts as sacrifice to the Sun, then hold feasts where you roast the rest.

"Mmm... who's for dinner?" is the game's promotional tag line.

Valley Girl Princesses now have a new use besides shopping for luxuries like dog meat and roasted human hands. They can also be drowned in pools to appease the rain gods. Remember to weight them down with enough gold jewelery or things will come floating back up again. Putrefying your only remaining water source with a decaying corpse may also kill off your village if it doesn't work, but the Aztecs never were very good at long term thinking.

This, like all EvilTwistedMill games, includes a giant hand that allows you to slap around villagers behaving badly, or as needed, chucking protestors, whiners and complainers into any of several multiple volcanoes provided on every map.

The game will have 200+ resources, and there will ONLY be a random map generator scattering them hither and yon with no reason or purpose. This feature was purely to please Europeans, who want more of a challenging game. But for Americans who find the game too difficult the same patch that works with all EvilTwistedMill games is already available. It replaces the entire menu system with a single button called "A winnah is you!" Pressing this will start the 3 hour fanfair by EvilKeith "What a Great Person You Are for Having Bought The Game and Pressed the Button That Lets You Win. It's Much Harder Than Turning a Doorknob, Afterall!" This musical extravaganza patch, as always, takes 3 months to download, and is only available by dialup, NOT over the internet, but hiring a certain birthday entertainer may get you a copy faster. (Ahem)

Other possible titles include "Eskimos: Palaces of Ice, Age of Global Warming" (the expansion pack to the best selling "Eskimos: The Battle for Blubber", where clubbing seals and slaughtering whales were the foundations of your civilization) and "Caesar in Space", where multiple Roman Emperors competively run their own NASA space program from the Colosseum in a race to see who can expire and die in the pure vacuum of space first.



And of course to complete the trend, it will run on only one graphics card (out of stock) with one specific older driver version (only available on some french gaming site) AND the Editor wont work at all........

[Freeminder]

This is the new game that TM have been employing all the new workers for:eek: !!!!we've gave them to many ideas!!

[Innovan]

EvilTwistedMill is working on "DeathTrap Hotel 2", the sequel to their 1989 hotel builder title written for the centenial of Dr. Herman Mudgett. Players had a limited time before each World's Fair to build their murder castle and outfit it with gaschambers disguised as hotel rooms, soundproof and airtight chambers, and of course chutes to the basement where the cremation kiln for disposing human bodies is hidden.

"Slay them in Saint Louie, Louie." is only one of the catchy sing-along tracks from this release. Who knew EvilKeith was so gifted at composing for accordian and barbershop quartet?

But with today's edgier audiences, murdering pure and innocent beauties in the higher resolution of today's graphic cards just wasn't enough. Children? Even Willy Wonka can murder the occasional child and get away with it. And tearing off someone's leg and replacing it with a machine gun to shoot zombies had already been done. How to take it up a notch?

Tying into the "Barbie Pet Euthanasia Clinic" license was expensive, but based on pre-orders alone, their next release looks to be solid gold among city builders in the Evil Parallel Universe.

The pre-order bonus of the entire game's soundtrack rescripted for karoke singalong should be killer!

[wodinoneeye]

A game about a Computer Game Producing company.....


Delusional Marketing people

Whiney Customers on Forums

Tempermental and harried Programmers

Tyrannical and manipulative Management

Uptight Designers

Shortsighted and Singleminded Investors

Predatory Distribution Companies

[Rnett]

Don't forget to add in "Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental."...:eek: