found this course for men....sign up today...

[angelisis]

ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will
accept
a maximum of eight participants. Sign up early and get a discount on
registration
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion


DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and
support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house
upside down while screaming - Open forum

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

DAY TWO


EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE TRASHBIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
:cool: :D :p

[Raccoon_TOF]

Some of these classes should actually not only allow female participants, but require joint sessions with the man and woman BOTH present, including:

"TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?"
Be sure to include proper replacement and orientation techniques for exchange of emptied rolls. Also, toilet paper is NOT a cosmetic removal tool, applicator, or sponge. There are much better products for all of these purposes.

"LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS"
Not only should you look in the location where the item belongs, but it is important to remember where the item was last used and check there next...not searching through all of the places where your partner might have "hidden" it from you only to find it later in plain sight...

"HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS"
This also needs an addendum pointing out that 2 glasses of iced tea do NOT require an entire tray of ice between them...

"REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST"
And women should realize that just because the man does not take the same route SHE would take, does NOT mean that he is lost...

Also, in my experience there are a few useless classes on that list:

"IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?"
This would require her to be willing to even attempt such a feat, assuming she didn't just have him drive in the first place...

"HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION"
Again, why bother learning how to be a shopping companion when she is always sending him to do the shopping while she stays at home...

and finally

"GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME"
The most useless course here of all, unless it just comes with take-home course materials for her... :p ;)

[angelisis]

LOL.....mines better. :p cause it is true....you just made all that up Racoon.

[Dog of the Sun]

So where can we sign up ? :p JUST KIDDING :D ;) Do you think I would really sign up. {don't answer that ;) ;) }

[Raccoon_TOF]

Well, Angel is currently training as an instructor and can be reached by calling her at *reads rest of request* oh, never mind, I guess you don't need to know that...;)

[MAX-1]

Waiting for the course

"NEUTRAL POSITON OF THE TOILET SEAT"
How to teach your woman the facts of avoiding to have to sit in a puddle of urin.


:D :D :D :p :D :D :D

[Dog of the Sun]

Good one Max :p ! Why don't they flip it once so they don't have to complain :p :p ;) :D

[TombRaiderBC]

"Computer Gaming Essentials"
Intensive Workshop - Learn why finishing the pyramid is indeed more urgent than a game of Solitaire

[Dog of the Sun]

Why TV is more important than spring cleaning. :)

[arcan]

Why asking to get one's 200$ is more important than talking about baby's reddish bottom for 2 hours...

[NanaBanana]

Waiting for the course

"NEUTRAL POSITON OF THE TOILET SEAT"
How to teach your woman the facts of avoiding to have to sit in a puddle of urin.


:D :D :D :p :D :D :D

Angel... I love it. But of course, most women would. ROTFL

Max.. there IS no neutral position of the toilet seat... unless it's down! :p

Raccoon... depends on the size of the glasses! (and your geographic location) here in Texas, the ice melts very fast. :D Also proper placement of the toilet paper on the roller IS essential, especially if you have cats or toddlers.

Of Course,,, they could have added a few more, but at the moment, this is all I can think of. :(

Cooking 101 Food does not magically appear in pots or on plates. Video on where your dinner comes from. (and not KFC)

[angelisis]

LOL yeah notice how they all get straight on the defencive....men are so cute sometimes....LOL.

[Raccoon_TOF]

Notice how the female automatically assumes that any mention of slight disagreement or addition to her thoughts is being "on the defensive" as if we are at war or something...

HOW TO HAVE A DEBATE OR CONVERSATION INSTEAD OF AN ARGUMENT
Mandatory preparatory class as a prerequisite for female attendees of other courses.

[angelisis]

could not help yourself could you racoon boy....LOL



oh thats right I'm not talking to you :mad:

[imhotep3147]

You know I never understood other women's complaints about the whole "put the toilet seat down or I'll dismember you and feed you to crocodiles!!" thing. Being a woman (if one calls a 24yo a woman :p ) myself I have never once....in my whole life.....even in MY OWN HOUSE with no males present.....ever....everevereverever....sat down without looking where I'm sitting. What do they do just plop on down with their eyes closed?? And why expect men to put the seat down...they don't expect us to remember to lift the seat back up when we're done. Maybe it's from working as a bartender for so long that I'm cautious about where I put my cute little butt.... :D

You can't begin to imagine some of the things I've plunged out of the ole' flusheroo! :D :D

[MarkDuffy]

I have NEVER been lost. Just a bit confused at times about which scenic route to take.

As for potty-training us men, you women are taught by your mothers to hassle us about this. You cannot be this dumb.

For the Ladies

Great Pick-up Lines

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a
rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the
same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die
laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: (Looking at women with stupid grin)
Woman: If you're thinking of getting in my pants,
there's one as@hole in there already!!!

[MarkDuffy]

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATASHEET : WOMEN

ANALYSIS

Element: Woman

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

Occurrence: Found in large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions

Physical Properties

1. Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint.

2. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if used incorrectly.

5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.

6. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.

Chemical Properties

1. Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning.

4. Greatly increased activity when saturated with alcohol.

5. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Use

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

3. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

Tests

1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural state.

2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.

[MarkDuffy]

Hazardous Materials Data Sheet - Men

Element: Men

Symbol: MCP

Discoverer: Eve

Atomic Mass: Accepted at 60.6kg but known to vary from 50-200kg

Occurrences: Found in all areas but especially prevalent within 6 feet of televisual equipment

Physical Properties:

Surface usually covered in copious amounts of hair, especially in ear and nasal cavities

Generally larger than Wo except for brain capacity

Reproductive appendages inversely proportionate to engine size of specimen's car

Characteristics range from malleable to hard as steel
Right hand specially designed to support pint pot, beer can, remote control and steering wheel (Note: left hand is physically incapable of touching steering wheel during driving process)

Chemical Properties:

Energy dissipates immediately when exposed to household chores

Activity and usefulness greatly reduced by saturation in alcohol.

Reproductive ability is especially affected

Bonding with other specimens triggered in the presence of mechanical devices and by insubstantial materials such as televised rugby

Specimen hardens in presence of superior Wo specimens

Appears hard and cool when surrounded by other MCP specimens but reverts to natural warm, soft state in isolation

Genetically programmed to bond with Wo specimen. Once bonded, testosterone causes isolation to have magnetic effect. Specimen often attempts to break bond again or at least lets other MCP specimens know that he could if he wanted to.

Eyes vitrify and brain viscosity increases when exposed to Wo specimen's attempts to eradicate less desirable MCP characteristics.

Common Uses:

Labour saving devices for taking out the rubbish, mowing the lawn etc

Desirable heating properties on cold winter nights

Useful sacrifice in the event of external attack on Wo
Tests:

Formation of average specimen only completed after contact with Wo.

Volatile - turns red and explodes when subject to pressure and unable to progress on predetermined path.

Uncontrolled gravitation towards heat, e.g. BBQs, 98% of the duvet etc.

Easily absorbed by disproportionately large female mammary glands.

Hazards:

Greater size in comparison to Wo makes specimen liable to claim unduly high proportion of physical environment, e.g. bed, sofa etc.

Reproduces uncontrollably by attempting to fuse with Wo at any given opportunity

[MarkDuffy]

Oh, and Ladies

You get two options:

One dry upright toilet seat

One wet down one

You choose

[Grumpus]

A Man's Wish

A man was walking along the beach in California one day, thinking to himself and doing his best to sort out his life and pray for happiness.

He stopped and looked up to the sky, looking for a sign of his faith, and said, "Oh Lord, if you are there... grant me one wish."

Suddenly there was a crack of lightning in the sky and in a booming voice echoed from above, saying, "Man, you have done your best to be faithful, though you have not always succeeded. I will grant your prayer and offer you one wish."

The man looked out over the ocean, thought it over for a moment, and said, "I wish for you to build a bridge all the way to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."

The voice boomed, "Think of all this would entail! The millions of tons of concrete and steel, the depths of the Pacific to build on... such a materialistic wish! I can certainly do it, as anything is in my power, but it would be better for your soul to put aside this desire for worldly things. Pray for a moment and think of another wish, a wish that would honor and glorify me."

The man sat down on the sand and thought about it. Finally he gazed upward and said, "Oh Lord, I have been married and divorced five times. I did not understand any of my wives, and every one said I was insensitive and ignorant..."

"Lord," he continued. "My wish is to understand women, to know how they feel, what they think, why they laugh and cry, and how I can truly make them happy." The man looked up at the sky, awaiting his answer.

There was a minute of absolute silence... then another... and another.

Finally, the voice boomed, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

[Raccoon_TOF]

LOL! How very true...

Was about to post another humorous joke, also "divine" in nature, regarding Man and Woman. But considering the debate over the word "pissed" and the somewhat "mature" subjects of the joke even though not outright offensive, I'll refrain...any interested parties are welcome to contact me privately. ;)

[catgoddess83]

This has been such a great thread; I smiled and dare I say it, giggled all through it. :p The War between the Sexes has never been waged in such a civil and affectionate way. That only goes to show what a fine community this is. I thought after the beta that I wouldn't spend much time here, but the intelligence, kindnesses, and joyful spirits of the members have drawn me back at least once a day. Pat yourselves on the back,people! ;)

Cat

[Celebithil Dae]

heh, if there were't people sleeping, i would laughing out loud right now. Very well done :)

[MarkDuffy]

The TRUE story of Creation...

(author unknown)

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.

And the Earth was without form, and void,

And darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And God said,

"It doesn't get any better than this."

And so God created Man in His own image;

As Male and female He created them.

And God looked upon Man and Woman

And saw that they were lean and fit.

And God populated the earth

With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach

And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds,

So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

And so the Devil created McDonald's.

And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger.

And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?"

And Man said, "Super size them."

And Man gained five pounds.

And so God created the healthful yogurt,

That Woman might keep her figure

But the Devil brought forth chocolate.

And Woman gained five pounds.

And God said,

"Try my crispy fresh salad."

And the Devil brought forth Ben and Jerry's.

And Woman gained 10 pounds.

And God said, "Why doth thou eatest thus?

I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."

But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak

So big it needed its own platter.

And Man gained 10 pounds, and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.

And so God brought forth running shoes, and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.

And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control

So Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.

And Man gained another 20 pounds.

And so God brought forth the potato,

A vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.

And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the Devil created sour cream dip.

And Man clutched his remote control

And ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.

And the Devil saw and said,

"It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And the Devil cancelled Man's health insurance.

So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken

And cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice.

And the Devil created light beer So Man could poison his body,

While feeling righteous because he had to drink twice as much of the now-insipid brew to get the same buzz.

And Man gained another 10 pounds.

And Woman ventured forth

Into the land of Godiva chocolate,

And upon returning asked Man, "Do I look fat?"

And the Devil said, "Always tell the truth."

And Man did.

And Woman went out from the presence of Man And dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer, East of the marriage counsellor.

And the Devil said,

"It doesn't get any better than this."

[Janmeryet]

Waiting for the course

"NEUTRAL POSITON OF THE TOILET SEAT"
How to teach your woman the facts of avoiding to have to sit in a puddle of urin.


:D :D :D :p :D :D :D

Three questions:
1. My ex, who is from Turkey, always sat down and thus avoided puddles anywhere. Is this just a Turkish thing, or can men anywhere do it?
2. Which side of the toilet seat actually looks like it's supposed to be presented to the world?
3. I used to be a cleaner. In the men's, it seemed that many guys were going for the "Look Mum! No hands!" method - does raising the seat improve one's aim?

[MAX-1]

Three questions:
1. My ex, who is from Turkey, always sat down and thus avoided puddles anywhere. Is this just a Turkish thing, or can men anywhere do it?
Looks like it his thing. Yes men anywhere can do it. I've actually known some men that have to sit to do it, mostly because of piercings, but I won't go into details. :o
2. Which side of the toilet seat actually looks like it's supposed to be presented to the world?
If the toilet was on my front lawn, then it would be closed, shut, with a doily thingy on the lid and tank, maybe with some pretty flowers in a vase. :p
3. I used to be a cleaner. In the men's, it seemed that many guys were going for the "Look Mum! No hands!" method - does raising the seat improve one's aim?
You gotta understand, men can hit a moveing target with practically their eyes closed. But put a toilet a foot in front of them, and they're bound to miss. ;)

[MarkDuffy]

If you sit, you do it on yourself (momentum & splashback; elementary physics), drown it, smash it on the inside toilet walls, or get the restroom walls wet (True fact. There is a separation between the lowered lid & the toilet bowl. This also explains the stains running down the front of the bowl.). Ladies, you want to clean the other walls besides the toilet itself (and the floor & the walls behind the toilet)?

Plus, it's hard to aim when you have one hand on the wall supporting you.

Ladies bathroom is always the worst (in public). At home, ladies clean up. In public, they only wanna git the hell outta there.

Of course, I could comment on ladies imitating men in public restrooms cuz they want no contact, but I won't... ;)

TMI? Probably

[angelisis]

where is the delete thread fuction?? ;) this post has taken on a life of it's own....LOL

might as well stir the pot some more..... :D

He said...."I do not know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it."
she said.... "you ware pants don't you."

written on a wall in the ladies room..."My husband follows me everywhere"..
written just below it..."I do not".

How does a man plan for the future?
He buys TWO cases of beer.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
so men can remember them.

What do you call a woman that knows where her husband is every night?
A widow.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home at night, see what is in the fridge then go to bed.
Married women come home at night, see what is in the bed then goes to the fridge.

:D

[MarkDuffy]

But...but...but...you STARTED it Angelisis! :p

[MarkDuffy]

The War between the sexes used to be equal.

We could both do it outside.

Then you women started to wear pants.

We WIN! :p

[angelisis]

But...but...but...you STARTED it Angelisis! :p

LOL ROFL....I did not start nuttin...as useual you men had to take it that one step further....you could have just read the thread and said nothing :rolleyes: but nooooo! LOL

[MarkDuffy]

LOL ROFL....I did not start nuttin...as useual you men had to take it that one step further....you could have just read the thread and said nothing :rolleyes: but nooooo! LOL

But, I took shots at men also! :p

[MAX-1]

O.K.

I'll take the blame on this one since I did bring up the toilet issue to begin with.
*runs and sticks head in toilet*

Who wants to push the handle??? :D :p :o :mad:

[Dog of the Sun]

Waiting for the course

"NEUTRAL POSITON OF THE TOILET SEAT"
One other position is anti-dog position. Our dog's bowl for fresh drinking water is in the bathroom, when she runs out and is still thirsty and the lid is up, its time for evasive action. "Slam down the lid!!" :)

[angelisis]

One other position is anti-dog position. Our dog's bowl for fresh drinking water is in the bathroom, when she runs out and is still thirsty and the lid is up, its time for evasive action. "Slam down the lid!!" :)

see thats why you get little dogs like me...they cannot reach the bowl.

see attachment....evryone this is my dog Master Frodo Baggens

[imhotep3147]

You know, he does kinda resemble a hobbitt. :D (in a cute way of course)

[MarkDuffy]

That's not a dog. That is target practice for a REAL dog! :D

Git a Dingo!

(running away laughing)

[Dog of the Sun]

OOOh, MarkDuffy youre in for it! :D :p

[angelisis]

Mr duffy...
have you not heard the saying...
"if you have nothing nice to say then go hit yourself up side of the head with a plank of wood"
well you have now....so be a chum and go do that for me....thats a good boy :D

[Dog of the Sun]

A dog like this needs the lid precautions. I'm :o to say that I couldn't email the real picture to MY computer [We have two PCs] from our other computer so here is a close picture of what my girly dogy looks like. See Attached It is probably 2/3 times bigger than Master Frodo :cool: no offense. ;) ;)

[arcan]

That's not a dog. That is target practice for a REAL dog! :D

Git a Dingo!

(running away laughing)

I tend to consider such sized-dogs like "practice-balls" for rugby : once you've made your drop, the ball can come back to you so that you're still happy but less tired!
:D

[Bowel_Infection]

This is why men die of heart attacks at the age of 63. They want to.

[Janmeryet]

Re dogs and toilets: My sister's got a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and no matter how often I flush, the thing just won't go down :p
(Now I'm in for it, too!)

[MarkDuffy]

Mr duffy...
have you not heard the saying...
"if you have nothing nice to say...

*choke* *cough* (picking flicked boggers off my face)

Say what?

PS Honorable Mention Award: Janmeryet!
PSS Runnerup: Arcan!

[Janmeryet]

OOoooohhhh, how exciting! *poses for pictures* I'd just like to thank my producers... ah, wrong speech. Never mind, I love you all! *blows kisses*

[Nellie]

I still haven't managed to answer this weeks deep philosophical question.

If a man says something and there is no woman to hear what he says.

Is he still wrong?


Women often comment that they dont make as much of every "little bug" as men. I find this largely due to the fact that no matter what else is going on, a large portion of a woman's brain is thinking about shoes. *sneeze* "ick I'm getting a col..... oooooo! Sandals!"

(and just to balance it out)

It is often commented that women are rubbish at parking and gauging distance. This is simply becuase for thousands of years we've told them that this: <-------------------> is 6 inches.

[stargazer]

Here's my reply to some of the things on this list, I ask for directions, I'm not ashamed of it! Yes I am a man!
Toilet paper rolls should be put on, with the paper coming off the front, not the back side!
Flowers, yes, It is nice, I also write poetry!! Ha!
O.k, now the most important one, the toilet seat If a relationship is supposed to be 50/50, if I have to put it down, shouldn't she have to put it up?????

But then you have to think of smething also, if the female had more brains she wouldn't try to sit in the toilet with the lights off, thats what they made light switches for!!!!...... LOL

[Bowel_Infection]

This must be the baggage thread... :rolleyes:

[MarkDuffy]

Time to update this one! ;)

It's great to be a man:

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because one’s just too icky.

Same work...more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5,000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood - ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can do your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

[MarkDuffy]

And for the ladies...

IT'S BETTER TO BE A WOMAN

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.

Taxis stop for us.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.

We don't have to pass wind to amuse ourselves.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her bottom.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence, because they aren't listening anyway.

[imhotep3147]

@MarkDuffy: You forgot one of the most important reasons it's better to be a woman. And this one I get to see in practice ALL THE TIME. :D

..You can go out to a bar/club/lounge with virtually no money whatsoever and still get absolutely stinking drunk.

and boy I do mean "stinking"!! :D

[MarkDuffy]

You can go out to a bar/club/lounge with virtually no money whatsoever and still get absolutely stinking drunk.

Excellent point! While I have to even buy drinks for my buddies w/o cash & THEY are men!

[Dog of the Sun]

For the men, living outside with only the essentials, no high heels no worrying about hait unless its a gene diesease, no T.P. hiking skills, ability to make a campfire, no need for perfume and no need to act like everyone is looking at you, [fancy clothes/appearances ;) ]

[Quernia]

HOW TO HAVE A DEBATE OR CONVERSATION INSTEAD OF AN ARGUMENT
Mandatory preparatory class as a prerequisite for female attendees of other courses.

I know of more than a few men who need this prerequisite, too.;)

[Amrine]

holy necro!

[Quernia]

For the men, living outside with only the essentials, no high heels no worrying about hait unless its a gene diesease, no T.P. hiking skills, ability to make a campfire, no need for perfume and no need to act like everyone is looking at you, [fancy clothes/appearances ;) ]

I am very female, and am capable of camping, building a campfire, and don't wear perfume or make-up -- by choice!

I don't wear heels, don't worry about everyone looking at me, and I dare any of you to go camping for a week with a guy who "forgot" to pack TP. Even guys need to wipe.

[Tinkerbell]

I am very female, and am capable of camping, building a campfire, and don't wear perfume or make-up -- by choice!

I don't wear heels, don't worry about everyone looking at me,...

Will you marry me?

:D

...and I dare any of you to go camping for a week with a guy who "forgot" to pack TP. Even guys need to wipe.

Dat's a fact, Jackie!

[Quernia]

Will you marry me?

I'm not sure my bf would approve of me marrying someone else. I could check, if you would like...... He tends to be pretty possessive, though.